I Hate The Way..

“I don't like to do what people expect. Then they expect it all the time and they get disappointed when you change.” ~ 10 Things I Hate About You.

 It feels as if I am ever running to that point in life that we all want to reach. Oh to Be Happy. To Be in Love. Yada yada. And so forth and etc. The fact is that things happen in time. They don't happen right when you snap your fingers or say 'Now.' Things, love, but most importantly Happiness is a Choice. You cannot love someone else until you Love Yourself. It just isn't possible. And how do you love yourself? Well, that's a topic for another time which would require some heavy info/research. But the fact is, just BE HAPPY. Your Choice. Your Life. Your Decision. So GO LIVE. 

"I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots. And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick-- it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh -- even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you - - not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all." 

Stealing Cinderella

We long for a fairytale of our own. As a child, the stories of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, and numerous others were read to us. They installed in us the faith of a love that we did not know yet. We knew the love of our parents, grandparents, and siblings. But as we grew, the longing for our fairy tale to come true began to unfold as well. We wished for a happily ever after. The sort of true happiness that it seems is hard to find in this day and age, but that does not mean it is not real. I myself, have not yet experienced these findings of this sort of love. But I have seen it unfold in front of my very own eyes.  This love that is unbend-able, unbreakable, and will stand the tests of time and hardships. But once in a blue moon, this love is found and never forgotten. It is true and it will endure.

Like Father, Like Son

He doesn't know what his words do to me. They are like poison. Like a knife, just pinching the skin at first. Then they cut deeper and deeper until not much is left. Why doesn't he get it? He hurts more than he understands. One day things are going great; then he will come home and things will go the exact opposite. I want to say something, but I hold back. One day though, I will snap and yell until he gets it. He will not have what is left of me. I've given up enough for him. For everyone. I continuously sacrifice to help for the greater good, but this is not the greater good. It is not the greater good when you yourself become the item of destruction and ridicule. It is not worth it, and he is not worth it. He is no longer the same. He is no longer my brother.

Black and White Shows Won't Be Forgotten

Today is Lucille Ball's 100th birthday. I remember growing up watching the well know TV show "I Love Lucy." It was comical, and full of good humor. She didn't need to make crude remarks. Her own humorous ideas made me laugh with each one that she came up with. Seeing the google image that's a tribute for her birthday makes me want to turn the channel to TvLand and watch "I Love Lucy" one last time. Not many people watch good TV anymore. It's mostly trash that's on now. What's happened to all the good shows? I ain't changing what I like just cause you idiots won't play it anymore. I'll stick with the good old black and white shows.

I Blame My Gypsy Soul

I always find myself longing to go. To leave. To travel. Is that me or is it something else just building up inside me? I have this invisible pull to pick up and drive. No destination. No map. Just me and the need to fill that void. What is it or is there no name for this pull? Am I the only one feeling this or are there more like me? I need to know. I have to know. Will I figure it out or will it always be taunting me in the back of my mind? Maybe I need to see what's out there. That may be all this is. Just a hunger for the world. Not the world in its ugliness, but the world in its beauty.

I Root For the Underdog

I've always felt some strange sense of empathy or compassion towards people who are referred to as "underdogs." They use everything they have and give what they've got no matter what the outcome may be. That is also probably why I fell in love with the movie "Captain America." Here is a guy, and all he wants to do is fight for his country like every other man out there is doing. Yet, they say he is not strong or healthy enough to fight. In the movie, he portrays every ounce of what a true fighter should be like. He is not proud, nor does he boast when he becomes the nation's hope in winning the war. Captain America is the epitome of what every man or fighter should be like. Not just because he was misjudged and called an "underdog." But because his heart and his intentions are pure.

"Can Music Save Your Mortal Soul..?"

Music is the one thing that will always bring me back to myself. No matter how many times I lose myself along in life, it always brings me back. Tonight, I listened to some of my favorite Classic Rock pieces. Some included: American Pie, Free Fallin', Sister Christian, Born in the U.S.A, Jack and Diane, Desperado, Bohemian Rhapsody, and many others. It is the classics that remind me that music was born before my time, and yet I continue to love it in all of its' forms. Whether it is classic rock, rock, country(don't laugh), techno(yes, I listen to techno), rap, or the other millions of genres(and they must actually be music). (No bubble gum pop allowed) Music is a basic component that fulfills a need when nothing or no one else can.

The Queen of Hearts is Always Your Best Bet

I figured out the major gist of what exactly my problems are. I have none. I just take on others problems in an attempt to help them. This in turn actually causes more trouble and stress for myself. I don't know why I even just now realized it. But how do you suddenly stop helping people? I don't think I can. So, what in turn should I do? I cannot continue doing what I am doing, but I also will find a balance. Because I want to help people. Tonight, there was yelling, but instead of sitting there like I usually do, I said something. I responded. I stood up. I said what I thought. And I didn't care. I'm glad I said what I said and I don't want to take it back.

Perhaps We Are All Mad Like the Hatter

I can relate to his quite silly and simply mad sense of the world. After all, we can all say that at one point we have been mad like the hatter. He is a character from both the original and new version of "Alica in Wonderland." Some enjoyed his performance in the newly filmed version because it was in fact acted by Johnny Depp. Not to say Depp cannot act, but I do agree that he played the part absolutely perfectly! And of course, the little crazy dance routine added in the film was an exquisite touch. So are we all normal or have we simply gone Mad Like the Hatter?

Twiddle Dee or Twiddle Dum

Perhaps the whole Alice in Wonderland didn't catch everyone's' eyes. But it certainly caught mine. How could you not have noticed the two dumbest characters to star in it? Their names were basically chosen for that purpose. Its like one of those kick-me signs stuck to the back of some poor kids shirt. (I was that kid once.) It can only mean one thing: Alice had a way of dreaming up some truly scary, yet truthful things in that mind of hers. If only we could be more like Alice. Point me to the rabbit hole, cause here I come!

The Midnight Beast....Check 'Em Out

This all began when my best friend told me of this band, but not just any band. A British band. Bands tend to be liked more when they are from another country or city. She even picked out a song by them and said it was perfect for defining our friendship. I gave it a listen, and couldn't argue with what I had heard. They were definitely different, but in a great way. And the British accents just made me like them even more of course. "Friends For Never" was the song that she picked out, and it is in fact a very comical song by The Midnight Beast. If you want my honest opinion, I say they could go far. But they need more than just a few fans. So do yourself and your music a favor, and change the station to The Midnight Beast. 

Did I Grow Up Too Fast...?

I've always had comments about how I don't act my own age. I act older instead. It's just how I've always been tho. I never really did the same things that other kids my age where doing. I saw no point in them. My friends are mostly older than I am, and still we get along great. I seem to have that way with lots of people. I can have conversation easily with people who are beyond my age group. I enjoy discussing what others would find boring or tedious subjects. I mean, I just used the word 'tedious' in my blog. You can't get much better than that! I find that my appetites toward life are also changing. I act more like an adult than the average young person, but that simply means that I can take care of myself when the time comes.

To Be or Not To Be...Is that the question?

I am plagued by a question that I have been asked numerous times, but I have never answered. I have also never asked it of myself. What do I want? People wish and want for different things because those particular things make them happy. But what do I want that could make me happy or do I just not realize my own happiness now? I have been blessed with numerous things. My mom battled cancer twice and won. I hold down a job (albeit a pain of a one), but the fact is that it's a job! I'm going to college this fall, and it is already paid for. My car is in good condition, and my grandparents are alive and well. So why do I feel any necessary need for more? I may think I need more or perhaps it is just that the feeling of wanting that can overcome a person at times. I don't need or want anything. Perhaps I should, but I don't. I have family and friends that love me for simply being myself. That in itself is enough. So next time I am asked 'Do you want or need anything?' I will answer the question with a simple 'no'. Because I have enough.

..She's An Angel..

It's like an ache in your chest. That's what I feel now that I'm missing that little girl. She is precious. A miracle from God himself. I want to hold her in my arms again. Make her laugh and smile. Listen to her giggles. See her new teeth, if she has them. I want to be there when she takes her first steps or when she sleeps. She always looked like a little angel while asleep. Feed her and catch the rest of it on my shirt. Or with a rag, preferably. But either way, the point is that she would be here. I could see her, hold her, and sing her to sleep again. She loves music, and I loved to sing to her. It was a precious moment. I just miss her.

Finishing New Books that Have Happy Endings

I just finished a book recently and doing so, I realized that reading books can be a heartache to yourself at times. I mean, reading the perfect ending in a happily ever after is hard to do when your own life seems like it's in the pits. Why read it if it isn't always imaginable or doomed to happen? Maybe that's why I read my books. I can picture exactly what a perfect world would be like. There would be no wars or bloodshed. No need for jealousy or hate. No divorces. In the end, all we would need to be happy could be found within us. Simple and Easy. Straight to the Point.

Random Poetry

"Having a Coke With You" by Frank O'Hara has currently captured my attention because of it's latest showing on a film that was sadly produced with little funding. However, the scene in which this poem is read, made one of what I think was one of the best filming scenes. Or at least within my top. It is read between a guy and girl of course. Switching off between the roles of reading. And you begin to feel the emotion as each word of this poem is spoken. It was definitely a scene to be replayed over and over again.

I Am Finally Here

I finally reached that point in life that younger kids used to dream about. Graduation. And now that I am here, I realize that it is a foolish sentiment that we should wish away such precious years of our life. Our own childhood. Many don't see how important a childhood is until it is gone. Poof. Finite. Final. The End. I get to walk across the stage Thursday with in my cap and gown, and this poses a thought into my mind..Am I ready? Yes, I am. All that I have done, and been through has led me to this moment. I am ready to walk across that stage, and throw my hat into the air. But what about after that? I'm not sure. I do know this though, I am not alone. I have my wonderful family and amazing friends standing right beside me. They help me stand strong, when I cannot find my strength. My stance of power and reasoning comes from knowing that they believe in me, and what I am doing. I am Finally Here, and I am ready with open arms to take on what's next.

Changes

They are everywhere. Each breath, turn of a leaf, and decision after decision. Changes are a daily part of life. Nothing is more repetitious except maybe the part where we continually choose a different idea because a new thought or idea pops into our mind. We are indecisive creatures as human beings. And that isn't always necessarily a negative matter. It only becomes negative when the situation calls for an ultimatum or decision right then and there. We are the changes that happen and it is within these daily changes that we somehow find ourselves amongst the world. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." It is up to us what happens next. :)